So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
