just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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