Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
