I'm drive I can fine osifer
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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