nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
