so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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