wrigley field is MILF paradise
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
