Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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