my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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