to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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