He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Even my vagina gasped.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
