There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
