Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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