he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
