My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I am naked and annoyed.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
