imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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