Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
