that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
as a side note pls kill me
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
