dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We were destined to go to rehab together
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
