she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
