i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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