If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
