All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
