The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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