The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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