Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
