i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
