If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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