No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
