a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Randomize
