I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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