i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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