So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
