she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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