I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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