Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
