i don't like sucking hair
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
