They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
