Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
