Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
