happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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