I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
