I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
