She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
