And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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