Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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