The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Randomize
