Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
