The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
