I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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