someone owes me an orgasm
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
